~dReAmS aRe ReaLiTy~

everything falling into place nicely

2011-12-02T12:44:00.002+08:00

been long since i updated this blog, wonder if anyone remembers this and still reading or checking back this every now and then..?

been really busy at work.. it's not like the days when i can always blog and finish up my work as well.. been really tired and busy, especially this period.. when the budgeting process is starting..

i shall not go too much into details about my work, cos it'll become very boring to read.. mainly complaints..

everything seems to be falling into place for me this year.. may applied for flat and i got it right away.. and i got my appointment to book my flat just before the trip in july.. went on a trip and the proposal comes into place.. the preparation starts and everything was paced nicely.. and once i settled the more important things, hdb contacted us to go sign the agreement for lease today.. and 2 days later we're going to select gowns and attires for our photoshoot.. just nice!

and i'll be busy with work again, and most likely photoshoot after cny.. going for a holiday trip to hong kong and macau in march, so most likely photoshoot before or just after that..

things has been falling nicely.. and i love this feeling of everything going as planned.. :) but i've been spending a lot of money with all the plannings etc.. sigh.. :( time to save!! bonus come quick!! :P

protective shield on

2011-06-27T12:13:00.002+08:00

i've been giving in over and over again, but it seems like the person doesn't know or doesn't appreciate.. maybe the person doesn't feel that i'm giving enough..

i was unhappy, i was not feeling well, i was crying.. but i didnt get the warmth and console i wanted.. all i get is a "take care" and someone doesn't know what to do.. the only thing that person do is to disappear and sleep all the way, ignoring me, not reading my messages and not picking up my calls.. sounds like i gotta beg for some warmth and console when the person was the one who made me unhappy..

it's a small matter, but what i wanna see is the person trying to make things right and not make things worse..

i'm going to hide in my defensive protected zone.. my protective shield is on!

enough is enough.. i've done enough, be it you see it or not.. no one forced you.. you chose this path.. if this is what you want, so be it..

little updates for june 2011

2011-06-24T11:32:00.003+08:00

been having headaches for the longest time ever.. don't know what's wrong with my head nowadays..

everything is falling into place.. applied for flat @ pasir ris, just opposite the mrt station.. gotten the queue number.. counting down to 3 weeks later.. selection of flat and holiday!

sooooo busy and sooooo many things to handle.. both work and personal.. i hope things will be better and better..

losing someone.. again..

2011-05-20T14:56:00.003+08:00

i've lost someone, and i found him back.. but now, i think i'm losing it again..

the same person who made me utterly disappointed.. it's been a year plus.. been through so much and yet he still didn't learn anything from the things we've been through.. he changed.. not as caring, not as patient, not as good to me as before..

i gave myself and him a deadline.. will things become better? will things be back to what it's suppose to be?

sarcasm is not allowed in my world!!!!

2011-05-20T10:21:00.003+08:00

someone made some comparative sarcasm remarks last night.. i was super upset and pissed off.. i decided to ignore that person until he find me.. but till now, that person is still missing from me..

i cannot be forever waiting for people.. waiting for them to find me, to contact me.. i cannot be forever the one who tries to solve things first.. i cannot be forever worrying for other people when they themselves don't even make an effort to think or make things right for themselves..

i'm tired.. tired of keep trying.. tired of the cycle repeating itself over and over again.. it's like never ending.. so i shall put a stop to this 恶性循环..

a pack week and a whole new life ahead

2011-04-19T09:18:00.004+08:00

counting down 2 more working days after today's work.. super busy and packed with work recently, but am waiting for 2 more days, and i'm having a long break!

good friday long weekend plus 5 days leave and a labour day long weekend.. i'm soooooo happy..

thursday night going ktv with colleagues.. friday should be going dinner with my beloved dearies to celebrate mr and mrs mong's birthday.. saturday going out for dim sum and ktv to celebrate pk mama's birthday.. sunday having a planned but not confirmed dinner with the rsaf gang.. gatherings and birthday celebrations~~

and i'm soooooooo looking forward to the 3 days 2 nights mbs stay on monday! :) after checking out on wednesday, will be going back to pack for a 3 days 2 nights batam from thursday to saturday! :D

am looking forward to a new life ahead as well.. i'm sooooooo going to be determined to make things right and straight from today onwards!

good friday is this week.. if christ died for us for our sins, let my sins be washed away after this week..

从新做人！i shall not let myself and others down! looking forward to a simple new life, with my one and only BB!

promises

2011-01-13T17:13:00.001+08:00

someone asked me what i want.. i told him i want nothing.. cos he doesnt know what i need is just a promise, an action from him..

but today i realised, no matter how much someone promise you to do something, it's actually really nothing to be happy about unless he do what he promise..

random

2011-01-12T12:43:00.003+08:00

i suddenly missed the days where i can not wake up so early in the morning, knowing that i will definitely get to work on time, n having breakfast in the comfort of sitting in the car.. n of cos the non stop conversations is definitely better than having nothing to say at all..

someone asked me what i want from him.. i said nothing.. cos he doesnt know that the things i wanted, is something money cant buy.. it's a promise, it's an action.. i can only wait..

but i think it's better not to hope for anything than to be disappointed in the end..

emo~~

2010-12-09T14:08:00.002+08:00

feel that humans just keep on hoping, getting disappointments, hoping and getting disappointments over and over again.. when will they wake up??

人是不是没到绝望的时候，就还会继续期待？其实人就算是到达绝望了，也还会期待！

sometimes when you're hurting someone, actually you're just hurting yourself 100x more.. same goes to when you feel hurt about someone hurting you, you dont know that the person who you thought is hurt you, is actually hurting themselves 100x more at the same time..

两个人无话可说的确比争吵更加折磨人！

i think this is one of the worse stage of a relationship, to hope and be disappointed over and over again, even when you're utterly disappointed, you're still hoping for something.. hoping yet at the same time hurting the other person and yourself.. worse, when 2 of you have nothing to say anymore, there's no way to explain why you choose to hurtful way..

losing someone..

2010-12-07T16:46:00.003+08:00

people come and go in your life..

no one is responsible for your life except yourself.. same goes for happiness.. no one is responsible for your happiness except yourself.. if you cant stop making me worry, i'll just have to stop worrying for you..

人实在没有这个必要让别人担心，来让自己知道别人其实是关心和在乎自己的。

there isnt any meaning in the care and concern you receive if you do stupid things, make others worry to show to that you are being cared for..

i'm losing someone.. someone who thought he was never important in my life.. someone who only sees 1 side of things and never see the other.. someone who's always in denial stage and never admits.. someone who always say he knows but in fact he doesnt.. someone who is never willing to accept facts and always hiding in his own world..

he made me worry, made me upset.. for soooooo many times and i didnt blame him.. i only wished he would know that i really care, deep in my heart i do..

now that i guess i've already lost him.. i just wished that he can lead a better life..

packed

2010-11-25T18:04:00.002+08:00

am sooooo packed with programmes for the next few weeks..

just managed to finish up my reports at work.. relax a bit and i'll have to go into another busy period.. budgeting exercise just ended.. next will be rolling out incentives for next 15 months.. then confirmation of budget for next financial year, closing of current financial year, and opening of next financial year.. sigh.. am doing manager's work but getting executive pay.. but.. .. .. .. still gotta strive..

my plans so far.. and still coming in..

tomorrow going to buy some stuffs and select colours for my custom made gown.. omg! it cost me a bomb! then going to celebrate friend's birthday.. saturday going to do some stuffs at friend's place, sunday gathering with colleagues..

29 nov week - see dentist.. dinner with friends.. do my nails and party!!
6 dec week - medical check up for my giddy spells.. helping friend select wedding gown..
20 dec week - final fitting for bridesmaid dresses.. christmas!!
27 dec week - do my nails..

2011 - fer's wedding!!

in between, i gotta find time to go shop for christmas presents, and heels~~ am going to turn sooooo broke after this fully packed month..

男人和女人

2010-10-04T15:59:00.002+08:00

女人实在不应该太过依赖男人
当男人给得越多，女人拿得越多，女人开始依赖男人，女人开始对男人有期望。当男人开始给得越少，女人会发现到男人并没有保持一直以来的水准，女人也开始发现自己对男人的依赖和期望已经被男人夺走，也是应该收回这些依赖和期望的时候了。

追求时期（过了）
男人在追求女人时，不管女人有多么不好，他们对于自己喜欢的女人，脾气、耐性、浪漫和情趣都是一百分的。当女人接受男人了之后，追求期过了，男人得到女人了之后，不管女人有多么好，男人对女人的脾气、耐性、浪漫和情趣，都随着他们之间的关系的转变而变了，变成了零分。

男人在追求女人的时候，女人只要一生气，男人不管自己对或错都会道歉。男人追到女人了之后，女人只要一生气，男人不管自己对或错，都会生气或保持沉默。

updates~~

2010-10-04T11:37:00.003+08:00

it's been long since i updated.. my facebook seems to have replaced this blog, just that i've been posting short status updates only..

well, i shall let the tradition continue here in this blog..

i thought that everything was ok, but it seems like things are still affecting me.. and i realised that no matter how much you care, if the other person cannot see or feel it, it means nothing..

starting to doubt what exactly is fate.. it seems to be always fooling people..

felt that a lot of things changed and maybe i'm not used to it.. or rather i dont want things to change.. been feeling rather emotional these days.. but am getting back on feet..

you can be by others' side whenever they need you, but are they able to do the same for you? - a sudden thought when i thought of someone.. i know some people can.. but someone just cant! and why would i need such friends who always, only take me for granted..?

someone finally fulfil his promise of bringing me to sunrise.. =) it was beautiful!

health's been a little bad.. giddy, headache, gastric pain.. but even when i rest a lot, i still get headaches.. :(

i'm thinking of planning a holiday.. but somehow hard to plan a place to go.. with someone soooooo busy..

女人实在不应该太过依赖男人！

还是一个人孤军奋战

2010-08-26T14:28:00.002+08:00

seems long since i last updated this blog.. been really busy and totally have no time to blog..

show's concert was totally great, but a little disappointed as it ended quite early.. i was hoping the encore to be longer.. sigh..

USA trip was great! but tuesdays were still bad.. have always hated tuesdays, even when i'm overseas..

first time ever, bought some branded for myself.. came back from trip and had a few things to settle..

change of portfolio again.. not so much of a change, but more of additional workload.. setting up a so-called team with only 2 people in the team, added another division that we should be in charge of, plus all the admin work.. tell me what's the point of giving me another person to help me but giving me 2x more work?!

so i've been super busy with all the work and stuffs.. was blur for about a month or so before the bosses confirm the work i'm suppose to do.. but still, additional work.. and somehow a little disappointed.. 2 years here, both appraisal B+, i thought there will be promotion (which they sort of assured me during appraisal) and pay increment.. but there's no promotion, and increment is so little.. sigh.. where's my team lead? where's my promotion?

no matter what, still gotta strive..

and i feel that i'm still fighting the battle alone.. i'm doing everything on my own! please tell me if i am able to ask for help?

counting down

2010-05-13T14:23:00.004+08:00

someone never fail to make me unhappy everyday! and i mean EVERY day!

booked my USA trip already.. basically the air tickets to and fro and the hostel in San Francisco! :) am happy about it, but am very broke because of this as well! :(

am taking off-in-lieu next week tuesday and thursday.. finally clearing my off-in-lieu.. tuesday most likely going in JB and thursday going for good meal! :P hopefully can make my mood better..

counting down to my off days next week, show luo's concert and signing session, travel claims, bonus and USA trip..

needs to drink!

2010-05-06T11:03:00.002+08:00

half a year has gone pass just like this.. things keep progressing when you want it to stop, and stopped when you want it to progress..

ok.. time for drinks! anyone wanna go for a drink or 2?

needs to be in a clear state of mind!

2010-05-05T09:51:00.003+08:00

sometimes i really wonder, how did things turn out to be like this?

things shouldnt be the way it is now.. it should be much more simple than it is now.. maybe it's me who has been complicating things..

i not thinking in a clear state of mind right now.. and i think i've been talking rubbish and doing rash things.. i hoped and wished for unrealistic stuffs.. people just dont realised that they will be missed and they totally ignore me.. looking for answers which will not be answered.. i need to talk to the people i need to talk to.. but i think i need to wake up rather than dream on!

is my break to aussie not enough or what? why am i still feel down after i'm back?

am planning for my USA trip.. have decided to go over to SFO alone first before meeting the rest of them.. looking around for hostel in SFO and found this orange village hostel.. looks ok to me.. but would need some inputs..

another mini getaway to a far faraway land for a short period only.. please let me buck up and stop having such low morales!

一生最深爱的人

2010-05-05T08:58:00.002+08:00

有没有人想过这个问题：在你一生中最爱的人是谁？

可能会有人自欺欺人的说，我现在的另一半就是我的最爱。又或许有人会说以前那个。但如果现在这个真的是你最爱的那个人，那恭喜你！要好好先珍惜哦！

如果你一生中最爱的人是以前那个，那为什么要进入现在这段感情呢？

有人问我，如果不爱这个人，怎么会选择跟他在一起呢？我只能说，一生最爱的人，跟现在正在爱的人是有分别的。

things i need to do..

2010-05-04T14:51:00.002+08:00

i'm feeling damn low, damn sian and damn sleepy right now.. and i've been bugging people who are busy with their stuffs.. i should stop.. stop bugging people..

i think i need to stop bugging people and i need to be alone.. i think i need to drink.. and i seriously need to stop hoping for things..

needs to think things through again...

2010-05-04T11:13:00.002+08:00

yes, i'm back from the aussie land for 1 week plus already.. it was fantastic being there..

coming back here to homeland feels complicated.. it's nice to be away for awhile, but somehow i wished it could be longer.. i had a mixed feeling coming back.. it's nice to be home, but maybe there're still certain things which i'm running away from..

things seems to have changed after i'm back.. it seems like i'm going round in circles again.. i think i need to think things through again..

for a moment i felt depressed again.. and i dont wanna go there.. i need some time, i need to be firm, i need some support and i seriously need some help..

1 hour 30 mins away

2010-04-17T15:07:00.003+08:00

i'm blogging in aussie land right now.. and yes, it's 1 hour 30 mins faster than my homeland.. in the southern part of australia, adelaide.. will be parking myself in intercontinental hotel and nearby for the next few days..

first time on business trip is both exciting and nervous for me.. expecting to learn a lot, and also expecting to make mistakes..

yesterday morning when i checked in my luggage, i was feeling stupid.. imagine i'm working in changi airport and i didnt know where the SQ check in counter is? i wasnt wearing my pass luckily, i went to ask the SQ information counter..

at night after i board the plane, i felt totally lost.. i'm like an idiot who has never been on a SQ flight.. i didnt know where to pluck my earphones, i didnt know how to operate the inflight entertainment system.. of cos i learned very quickly without embarrassing myself..

watched Sherlock Holmes.. i wanted to watch that in movies but i totally missed it.. was a nice show.. but by the time i finish the show was about 3am SIN time already! i started selecting some songs into my play list, shuffled them and just listen to them to bed at almost 4am? and i was being woken up at 5am for breakfast..

landed in the aussie land at 6:20am SIN time.. and the journey here starts..

my colleagues and i headed to habourtown for shopping.. i looked around for awhile and decided to just sit down somewhere to enjoy a sandwich with a drink and the breeze.. it's meant to be relaxing!

my colleagues found me soon after, we headed for lunch, bought some stuffs at a supermarket before heading back to our hotel.. settled in and meddle with my pre-paid sim card which i bought and here i am online updating facebook status and blogging..

it's almost 5pm here.. i think it's time for a nap..

cheers and love from aussie~

simple new look

2010-04-14T12:48:00.002+08:00

well, since my self create blog pics are not showing up, i shall just use a simple template to replace it first till i have to time to create a new look for my blog.. =)

i've been sick for the past 2 weeks and am still sick.. am going over to australia soon.. i really really hope i can get well soon!!

planning for US trip too! =) hoping that everything is smooth and that i can save enough to go for my trips!

thoughts

2010-03-30T09:45:00.002+08:00

有些事不是说放就能放，说忘记就能忘记。但是还是要努力的加油！

我们都知道藏在心中那个角落的秘密是不能挖出来的。所以只能一直努力的装作不知道，若无其事的继续开心生活下去。但是我们也知道，不管脸上的笑容有多么灿烂，不管嘴上怎么露出笑容，自己的心还是没办法不去想，心还是没办法开心的笑。

大哥

2010-03-30T09:39:00.003+08:00

如果兄妹相称太多醒不起喜欢我
快研究和我这异性拍拖

讹称知己的真太多
当女共男未变爱侣
不吻过自然没结果

没有好感怎会相亲相爱大哥只是掩饰
能做对爱侣堕落成朋友谁心息

我要爱情不需要登对不需得你允许
兄妹真有趣不需要分居忘记辈份再追
我要爱情摧毁世交也不失一个壮举
相恋的证据假使要争取唯有约定和大哥喝醉

曾经想手执一柄枪
想逼供你一趟
我和你无爱谁没有智商

如果恋爱必须创伤
想你亦明白到我俩
需开心都也受够伤

没有好感怎会相亲相爱大哥只是掩饰
能做对爱侣堕落成朋友谁心息

我要爱情不需要登对不需得你允许
兄妹真有趣不需要分居忘记辈份再追
我要爱情摧毁世交也不失一个壮举
相恋的证据假使要争取唯有约定和大哥喝醉

我要爱情不需要登对不需得你允许
兄妹真有趣不需要分居忘记辈份再追
我要爱情摧毁世交也不失一个壮举
相恋的证据假使要争取唯有约定和大哥喝醉

lost & found

2010-03-22T11:34:00.002+08:00

this weekend is not really a good one for me.. tooooooo many things happened since thursday i would say..

有时真的觉得自己很笨！自作自受是不能怨天尤人的！

我不开心，很不开心。讨厌自己做的笨事！but still i was super upset and my tears didnt listen to me and just dropped..

i was still feeling unhappy on friday.. 但我也知道我不能够这么自私下去！

to makes things worse, friday didnt ended well for me.. i was super tired and did OT as well (been doing OT for the whole week).. i went to the toilet and happily left my laptop inside the cubicle.. i realised 5 mins after i walked out of the toilet and ran back as soon as i found my hands empty.. it's gone.. i ran around the terminal, to lost and found information counter, back to toilet, went down to airport police trying to make report but they asked me to go to terminal 3.. i went over to terminal 3 to make the report, and just before i did, my phone rang.. someone called me saying that they found my laptop!! omg!! it's a blessing in disguised..

after running soooo much in changi airport, i rushed home just to put down my laptop and went down to orchard for my original date with min.. am suppose to meet her go shop around.. went over to orchard to meet min and went dinner.. after that we headed down to a pub to drink..

and the whole drinking session, i feel like i'm a fool.. super big fool.. went to the wrong person to get table, and when i finally got the table, someone thought i wanted to drink other's alcohol.. then someone called me just to lie to me.. what the hell!!

everything seems ok on saturday, but i still feel weird.. couldnt sleep that much also..

yesterday i cried.. :( i lost some things.. a few things.. i'm super sad.. :( till now i still feel the sadness.. :( but someone said something sweet and made me smile.. :)

time to buck up and think things through.. 加油！

无论你有多么不舍得，就让一切结束吧。

2010-03-16T14:11:00.002+08:00

离别向来都不简单，但无论有多么舍不得，该放手的，终究该放。

有好多次想反悔，想回头，但还是得坚持下去。这样一来当初离别的伤痛才不会白费。

太在乎

2010-03-09T17:46:00.002+08:00

有时候，太过在乎别人，会让自己更累。

别让伤害你的人，伤害你多一次

2010-02-26T16:51:00.001+08:00

sometimes care and concern can make people feel irritating!

2010-02-25T14:14:00.003+08:00

sometimes when people bothers too much about your life, when people ask too much about the things you do, when you just wanna have the freedom do your own things in the way you want it to be, it creates irritating feelings to that person, even though you know that person did it out of care and concern..

sometimes people assume too much about things and makes you feel that: hey! you dont know anything and you made it sound like i did something real bad.. dont assume things..!!!!

坚强到好累

2010-02-24T17:03:00.002+08:00

假装坚强真的好累。如果累了，还需要假装坚强下去吗？

i keep telling myself to strive on and 加油！but sometimes, i get tired too.. like i said, it seems like 没人知道，我也是会有累的时候！

it seems like i havent been sleeping very the longest time in my life.. couldnt sleep at night and been sleeping very little.. mind keep spinning.. both physically and mentally tired, but my brain just doesnt wanna stop work.. and i totally have no morale to work even though i keep asking myself to buck up..

sick again.. and i seriously hate the feeling of being alone, especially when i'm sick.. super emo and i broke down crying.. no one cares i feel.. but i know there're still some who does care..

真的累了，我还是没有想像中的坚强！

emo + happening weekends..

2010-02-08T18:42:00.000+08:00

too many things happened during the weekends.. am i starting to hate weekends?

didnt really sleep a lot since friday till now.. let's see what i did.. .. ..
friday morning woke up and went to work.. after work went down to rain pub to drink.. went back and was feeling hungry and couldnt sleep at all.. yes! i didnt sleep at all!! i was wide awake the whole night..!
saturday morning woke up to go to the airshow for duty all the way till evening.. rush to and fro in order to get awfully chocolate cake to rain pub for that night's celebration.. celebrated leslie's birthday there.. and yes, as usual the birthday boy will definitely get drunk.. poor me have to become 'maid' taking care of him.. on and off i didnt sleep well, until 7am.. finally he got better and went to sleep..
woke up and slack a bit, went dinner and went spin around, looking at planes and boats.. haha.. and in the end, i couldnt sleep well last night as well! i slept at around 3am plus..

until this morning 7am, 72 hours and i only managed to sleep like 8 hours? and now it's almost 7pm.. 84 hours and i only slept like 8 hours?!! dark rings getting darker and i'm becoming panda already..

i'm sure most of us have this experience.. some things just happen, be it you wanted it or not.. maybe you know that you wanted certain things to happen, but you just know that you shouldnt hope for those things to happen? and when it happens, you started thinking if this should really happen or not?

i had this feeling over the weekends..

had a surprise bouquet of flowers delivered to my office.. sweet and nice surprise.. thanks for the lovely flowers.. =)

i've gotten my birthday and valentine's day present as well!! :) something from tiffany and co... another sweet and nice surprise.. but a little too expensive.. well, i wouldnt want others to spend too much on me though..

loaded with thoughts and feelings.. time to have some peace.. after tomorrow i'm on 3 days leave! shall make use of these 3 days of leave to shop, cut hair, think things through and have some peace.. .. .. ..

inspired for peace..

2010-02-05T09:29:00.003+08:00

i'm being inspired by my colleagues to go for a walk.. a long long walk which i've been wanting to go alone.. but will i be going alone?

i shall 加油 for today and tomorrow for the airshow.. next week strive another 2 more days and i'm on leave!!! i shall rest and keep my mind at peace.. but somehow, why do i feel that it's hard for me to do so?

WAR!

2010-02-04T14:28:00.003+08:00

too many things happened.. too many things on my mind.. i couldnt take it anymore..

now i'm worried for someone, but i dont know what i can do.. there's nothing much i can do..

someone asked me a question.. the question was direct, thus it came as a shock.. although i know the thoughts of the person asking that question, but i didnt expect the person to ask so directly..

whatever it is.. i shall just settle things as it comes.. shall just crash through obstacles as it comes everyday.. day by day, fighting war with myself and the outside world..

没人知道，我也是会有累的时候！

it's WAR time!

someone who loves you more or someone who you loves more?

2010-02-04T08:53:00.000+08:00

this is a very common and interesting question.. there will be a lot of people choosing either answer, and the reasons they give is just purely if they wanna be the one giving more or giving less? and simply this question, you will be able to see what kind of person you're facing..

but somehow i always have difficulty finding my own happiness.. i'm always the one giving and i've always chose the person i love more, even though there're others who love me more.. but is it time for me to think of myself and not for others?

如果这就是所谓的爱。。那幸福是什么？

昨晚，我又再次为了他掉下了眼泪。我以为我为他的眼泪已经流干了，我以为我再也不会为他掉下眼泪了，但是没想到，就在我脆弱的时候，才发觉原来他在我心中还是有着一个重要得地位。

i think i'm complicated.. i need some peace and quiet time.. i need some space.. i need to run away.. and i dont want anything.. needs and wants.. now i only have needs and not wants..

EMO!

2010-01-15T16:32:00.003+08:00

i know that this kinda situation cannot maintain for too long.. and i know that i'm going to break down soon.. i know i wont be able to manage anymore soon.. am overly stressed and stretched, both physically and mentally.. both in terms of work and personal.. and yes! i'm getting emo!

i need a break soon! a real break and getaway from everything..

i will need to make decisions and know what's important and what's not..? my plate is full and i cant take in more.. but somehow i dont know why i just cant ignore certain things..

someone's right.. i'm finding trouble myself.. i dont know why.. but maybe i'm born to be like this.. trouble-maker and trouble-finder!

i think i'm still not sober from the medication i had last night..

SUPER EMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

complicated feelings..

2010-01-12T16:40:00.004+08:00

some people are just soooooooo extreme in doing things and never use their brains.. why would something do something so stupid and extreme.. it's not smart to do such things at all lor..!!

sick for 9 days.. and i'm still sick.. but this time round the medication seems to work better.. i'm not coughing as much, but am still coughing.. am still waking up in the middle of the night almost every hour, dont know why..

7 working days altogether and i've gotten 4 days MC.. which most of the time i'm still either at work before i go see doctor, or working from home.. and being sick and drowsy doesnt help my productivity to be high! productivity has been low in first 2 weeks of 2010.. help me! my performance review is coming soon and please dont let this affect my review!

work is pissing me off! tons to do.. no one to help.. totally lost in certain things.. and people keep finding trouble for me to to solve.. sucks!

i've always wanted to be treated like a baby, a princess, a pampered baby princess.. but i feel that i'm not the one and only baby anymore.. this title was so important to me, made me so happy.. but i realised that i'm not the only one anymore..

clarified some doubts on sunday.. feeling.. .. complicated.. feeling nice but troubled at the same time..

somehow i got this complicated feeling when i hear certain things from someone.. and not only 1 person give me complicated feelings.. there're a few people who has been giving me complicated feelings about things, life, and everything.. maybe everything about these people bothered me too much.. maybe i care and bother too much.. i shouldnt be affected, but i am..

知足常乐 - if everyone can be like this, maybe people will be happier.. but maybe not everyone can do that.. cos humans are greedy.. i totally agree that i have a 贪杯的灵魂.. hahaha..

i'm high on drugs.. high on medication.. think it's time to sleep!

and soon! when i got the time.. it's time to change my blog outlook.. it's been hanging there and down for like ages! wait for me.. i'll be back!

bothered..

2010-01-08T14:09:00.003+08:00

i'm feeling sucky right now..! being bothered by sooooooo many things.. busy with sooooo many things.. yet nothing was solved to help me a little..

there's still this special someone in my heart whose things will always bother me.. and there're so many more people in my life that i need to be bothered by their stuffs.. can i just dont be so kpo!?! i wish i can just ignore everything and mind my own business!!!

why the hell should i bother about others? damn! i should just do whatever i wanna do..!! yes.. just cos i care about others, that's why whatever i do i have to think of them first..

someone is stopping me from doing certain things that i've been doing.. all along there was nothing wrong with it until someone appeared!! damn! life sucks.. why is my life always controlled by others!?!

thoughts, plans, feelings..

2010-01-08T13:13:00.002+08:00

things happened, and things were solved.. back to square one.. but this isnt the best.. i know.. but it's the best for now..

i shouldnt be too greedy.. but i am getting greedy.. how can i help myself?

been sick for the first week of 2010.. first week of work and i'm only in office for 2 days.. so i'm super busy now.. but mind keep floating around.. feeling giddy also..

i read back the history, and found a lot of memories.. i was stupid and i didnt know.. maybe someone hid it well.. now that i recall, there were times where someone has always been there..

to think i'm thinking of being by the side of someone now..

what are my thoughts, my plans, my feelings?

shouldnt be too greedy and shouldnt ask for too much

2009-12-29T22:36:00.001+08:00

getting greedy..

2009-12-29T16:51:00.002+08:00

maybe sometimes people just want the best of both worlds..

i'm getting a little greedy.. i know i am.. being able to see someone everyday, able to spend more time with someone is just what i'm trying to do.. trying to find means and ways to do what i feel like doing..

maybe not a little, maybe a lot more than just a little..

christmas' over.. 2010 coming..

2009-12-28T17:01:00.003+08:00

yesh.. christmas is over.. my best christmas gift is a coach bag.. :) hehe.. and consider an advance christmas gift of a coach wallet as well.. :) of cos the new stuffs i have to brighten my office cubicle.. hmmm.. seems like a lot are related to office and will be placed in office.. :)

office christmas party was good and fun.. everyone enjoyed themselves i guess.. cos i did! :) had a pajamas christmas party at marina mandarin hotel.. it was fun with lots of food and alcohol..! ended the long weekend with resting and watching DVDs at home.. spent money to buy kindaichi DVDs to watch at home..

suffering from terrible backache for days.. and resting would be the best thing to do.. when will this backache go away..? it's causing me lost of sleep and lost of appetite.. hungry but no appetite to eat..

2010 is coming.. this year a lot of things happened.. just like 2008.. a lot of ups and downs.. i hope 2010 will turn out to be a better year for me.. but looking at the situation now.. it's still a long way to go before peaceful and simple life which i'm looking forward to..

more problems to solve.. i can, and will make it! new year resolution would be : come whatever it may be.. i'll just 见招拆招！

heck care!!!

2009-12-22T11:43:00.002+08:00

i have a million things to do and my emotions are not helping me at all.. my emotions are not leaving me alone!!!

everything that i have to do is time consuming but no-brainer stuffs.. waste of time!

yes! i'm very emo today.. that's my today's mood.. got lots of things on my mind.. and i'm starting to fear.. but heck! i dont wanna care anymore! i shouldnt be afraid of whatever that comes into life..

and i just hope that my life wont be any more messy! should i or should i not test again?

silly?

2009-12-14T11:47:00.003+08:00

things being said shouldnt be trusted?

i dont know leh.. someone told me things which logic tells me that's not true, but feelings tells me otherwise.. there's no reason for someone to lie.. but then again, is there always a reason to lie?

everything was different between last time and now.. could it be things were hidden so perfectly till i dont even know?

maybe i'm just silly..

不想被打扰

2009-12-08T14:17:00.002+08:00

sometimes when you trust people too much, the person ended up getting hurt is yourself.. but can i stop trusting people or only believe half of what everyone says?

逃离那个逼人说谎的城市

从小到大都不喜欢别人骗我，无论是有意或无意的，即使是善意的谎言我也不想去接受。但我知道再诚实，再老实的人，都会说谎。

recently i started telling myself maybe i shouldnt trust or believe so much of everything a person said.. but i cant get myself to do it..

好想消失！如果我消失了，可能一切都会结束？其实我不知道自己能做些什么才不会伤害到任何人。但我知道逃避不能解决任何问题。

wanna be alone and be quiet.. but everything doesnt allow me to do so.. if only i can be given 3 days..

tiring long weekend..

2009-12-01T16:38:00.002+08:00

had a tiring long weekend last week..

met up with pris for dinner drank a lot on thursday night.. friday had a family outing with my sisters and mum.. breakfast cum lunch at hong xing restaurant and ktv at partyworld.. that night i didnt sleep much.. went thai 2 that night.. but super tired and went back to sleep at midnight.. but i didnt sleep well..

woke up and did nothing much and prepared to go for mervyn and anna's wedding dinner.. dinner ended late and slept super late! 4am plus..!! woke up super early to go for division retreat at yishun safra.. basically i was trying very hard to keep myself awake during the retreat!

things happened and a lot of confused feelings.. there's no way i can ignore everyone.. pris was right.. very right about things.. which i knew.. but am in denial stage..

思念是一种很玄的东西

2009-11-23T15:49:00.002+08:00

“想念你的关系所以睡不着”

这句话很甜，但是也藏着小小的矛盾。

messy thoughts

2009-11-17T08:46:00.002+08:00

i'm having very confusing thoughts.. i'm worried for someone, maybe a little too much for others to say that it's right.. but can i not worry? can i not bother? the answer is no! i cant just leave things like this and not bother.. cos the things involve me..

i feel that i've made others life miserable.. but is it really me? i cant control it either isnt it?

that night i dreamt of something and woke up in shock.. and the next thing i know was the person i dreamt of messaged me.. there're certain things that the person who messaged me cant control.. something that the person was facing.. i cant help much.. i can only be there.. what else can i do? i really dont know.. i wish i could do more.. but i cant.. .. .. .. .. ..

though i feel that things were always not good for me, but sometimes i should feel fortunate about things.. i've being pampered so much by others, those who love me.. i really should feel glad.. i just hope that i wouldnt create trouble for those who love me, and those who i really love and care..

what am i feeling right now? just a mixture of messy thoughts and feelings..

it shouldnt be affecting me, but it is..

2009-11-04T15:32:00.003+08:00

i finally have the answers to certain doubts i have.. i guessed so.. but didnt wanna admit.. and to me all these doesnt make sense at all!

my instincts told me these answers are real.. but my logic told me they're fake.. so what is what? but there's no reasons for the person giving me the answers to give false statements also.. so i know they're real..

the answer was something i wanted and not wanted to know, but it's no longer important now.. everything is not important anymore..

this thing shouldnt affect me.. but it is.. why is that so? i'm having a very complicated feeling about this whole issue.. what can i do?

that night i received a message at 3 plus in the morning, someone wanted to come down find me.. on 2nd thoughts, maybe the message wasnt for me.. and cos of this message, i couldnt sleep.. a little heartache, a little worried.. and i did something really silly the very next morning..

just when i thought that since this shouldnt be the case, and i'm firm about my assumptions on the doubts i have, my assumptions were being shaken again.. i decided to ask for the answers straight!

now that i have the answers, what can i do with it? keep it? save it? or delete it?

thinking too much..

2009-11-02T14:55:00.003+08:00

i think i'm thinking too much again.. some things should not be happening, but it happened.. and i shouldnt be thinking too much on the things that happened, cos it may be just nothing..

but being me, i dont like grey areas.. i dont like things being hung there and no answers were given.. but this time round, i would rather leave things the way it is.. cos even if i know the truth, what can i do? i dont want things to turn ugly, i dont want things to turn embarrassing as well.. i just want things the way it is now..

but what about myself? do i need the answers? i would love to know, but what can i do to make things better..

time is fooling everything.. it's always not the right time for the right things, or the right time for the wrong things..

had a tiring weekend.. maybe i should not think so much and let things pass by like that.. but then again, will there be more of these kinda things going to happen?

i doubt so.. and maybe i hope not.. dont set me in a state where i'll be attack by confused thoughts and feelings can?

lost again

2009-10-30T16:35:00.002+08:00

people come and go in life.. recently heard a lot of people leaving or going to leave my company.. be it my department or other departments.. feeling complicated..

everything i still have to do it myself! damn!

and i'm kinda lost on what i should do.. if you know that you really wanna do something but it will make others unhappy, would you lie and do it or just dont do it?

sigh..

looking forward to my getaway!

2009-10-09T00:12:00.003+08:00

yesh! i'm going to rest and relax soon! have booked my bangkok trip early next month.. am soooooo looking forward to it! =)

next week is deepavali! and i'm going to batam for a getaway, just to rest and relax, eat and slack there!

for bangkok would be shopping and massage! hehe.. and after this, will be saving up for idaho next july! =)

recently am so tired about work.. been working till late and brain juice was being squeezed till almost non left..

was doing my work before this entry.. and i realised that the more i do the more i blur.. and i suddenly realised that i've been doing work for others as well! there's always grey area in terms of who's in charge of what.. and somehow, i'm stuck there doing everything by myself!

a friend left

2009-10-08T23:47:00.002+08:00

yes.. a friend left us.. a rather close yet far away friend..

he was the first guy i know since i got into seconday school, first one who made me laugh.. we used to chase and hit each other a lot, used to chat over the phone alot, sing together alot and there were rumous about us.. then he avoided me for the rumous.. those were the days when we're still young and did stupid things together..

we were good friends, yet not so close.. he brought me to watch sun rise.. he promised to bring me again.. but he left.. somehow i really feel sad about it..

he will always be in our memories..

i survived!

2009-10-01T14:32:00.003+08:00

for a very long period of time yesterday, i thought i was going to die.. but i survived! =)

everything started on monday night.. i was out with a few friends celebrating christine's birthday.. went seletar to eat and somehow the mahjong topic was being mentioned.. so we all went to christine's place for mahjong.. since she's the birthday gal, plus it's been long since we played mahjong together (after louise's departure), so we decided to go with the plan..

when we were going back after mahjong, i can feel my gum swelling.. dont know what's wrong, i just drank lots and lots of water before i went to bed.. next morning i woke up in pain in my mouth and headache.. realised that the swelling didnt go away, instead it became worse, making my ear pain and headache.. so i went to see doctor and took MC.. bascially i cant eat anything.. yes! everything.. can only swollow porridge for the sake of taking medicine..

went to work yesterday when i thought everything was better.. my gum still swell like hell, but thinking that the medicine would make my pain go away, so i went work (with hungry stomach)..

everything was ok on my way to work.. cleared a bit of work and suddenly i started sneezing non-stop.. and my nose started to block and i had difficulty in breathing.. i know i cant open my eyes big, but thought it was the flu that made me sleepy.. both nose were blocked making my chest pain cos i had to breathe so hard.. felt my own heat as well, but there was no fever..

my temperature is usually lower than normal -> 35 plus? but i took my temperature and it was 35.9, then went up to 36.2..

decided to see doctor for my flu and went for farewell lunch for roy and jennifer.. feeling worse so i went back office and realised that my eyes are starting to swell.. so i went back home to rest..

on my way back home, i feel like i'm dying.. nose blocked, difficulty in breathing and chest pain with my eyes swelling getting worse.. when i got home and changed, i got a shocked that i'm getting rashes.. couldnt walk anymore, i decided to sleep and rest.. when i woke up at 7pm plus, the swell on my eyes was even worse.. starting having more and more rashes spreading to my hands and body, decided to go see doctor..

temperature went up to 36.9, which is normal.. and when i saw the doctor, my temperature went up to 37.6.. fever finally.. seems like all the effects came in slowly..

and after 26 and half years of my life, i finally found a drug that i'm allergy to.. doctor said that it might be a delayed reaction for drug allergy, which is not normal, but possible.. so he gave me a jab and asked me to go back to rest..

after seeing the doctor, i went back and looked at myself in the mirror, i was so pale and the rashes actually spread to my face as well.. swell in my eyes getting worse.. took medicine and rested the night early with little breathing diffuclty.. woke up early this morning and rashes gone, eyes still a little swollen, fever gone, breathing was ok, nose not blocked, chest pain reduced.. went back to sleep and woke up to check office email..

went buy lunch.. yes, i'm able to eat! gum swelling reduced! finally! and i survived!!!

bad week for me.. didnt produce much at work.. productivity really low.. must buck up tomorrow and next week!!

ez-link

2009-09-04T17:05:00.002+08:00

am rather pissed off by this whole thing about the changing of ez-link cards for the new system that has been going on for months..

for my own ez-link card, i applied for giro-link very long time ago.. for convenience.. and to change this ez-link, with giro-link, is not as easy..

went down to the office to change when it just started and they told me july then can change for giro-linked cards.. fine! i waited till july to go change and they told me august.. fine! i went back on 25 august and they told me after 27 then can change.. okie!! then i went back on the 28th.. they told me my card was just topped up, have to wait 3 more days to change.. what the hell?! it defeats the purpose of wanting it to be convenient! and i went back 3 days later! they told me they dont have the form, have to go online and download.. i seriously dont understand what form was it..

that day itself when i got back home, i saw a letter from ez-link and they told me can download a form online.. okiee.. i got it.. but i was too busy to go print and stuffs so after work the next day i went to another mrt station to change the card and get the form.. finally i got everything done.. changed my card and gotten the form..

then i realised that i have to fill in the form and send in to get my card linked up with giro.. and it takes 21 working days to process.. after that then they will send me confirmation and in the meantime, i still need to top up my card on my own.. fine!

but on looking into the details.. there'll be $0.25 charge for every automatic top up from giro, the convenience fees.. thanks.. i rather not have the gire-linked already! f**k!

pondering and wondering

2009-09-01T17:42:00.002+08:00

what do i want?

recently have been feeling very lost and very upset about things around me.. felt being stabbed by people from the back.. felt that no one has ever treated me with a true heart..

am so depressed and so upset about things.. and i got a little angry and irritated by things as well..

thinking what exactly do i want.. am starting to think about the job i'm going to take on.. what kinda jobs and challenges i wanna take on?

PISSED OFF!

2009-07-14T10:31:00.003+08:00

my laptop started off with 97% battery life and it's already 31% now! it's less than an hour and it's sucking up my battery so much.. and stupid vpn and lotus notes is damn slow and it hangs my laptop! i just wanted to send an email! argghh!!!!

sucks! damn it! i cant even send an email! and that's all i wanna do! am damn pissed off!!! with me having so much things to do yet my laptop sucks this time.. what the hell??!!!

and dont know why i saw another server appear in my lotus notes! what the hell is that??!!

it sucks to be an unwanted child!

2009-07-10T13:09:00.002+08:00

i'm always an unwanted child.. for the whole life i've been through, i've always been feeling that.. even until now! and it sucks..!!!

since young, everyone doesnt like me, i dont know why.. my cousin can even say that she wanted to kill me the moment she saw me, when i was born.. what have i done to be just a new born innocent child? until today i still cant figure out..

and even she said so, being still a young kid, the only way to vent out my sadness is to cry.. i went into my room and crid and my mum didnt sayang me, instead she scolded me for being petty and crying..

i'm always the outcast in the family.. everyone didnt wanna play with me.. all i can do is to quietly hug my dog to sleep in my room.. even doing so made them said nasty things to me, of being a devil.. they said nasty things like the poor dog is being kidnapped by the devil..

how can i be happy this way? and all the childhood stuffs made me the person i am today, to simply ignore, keep quiet and be alone.. i'm a loner.. a total loser in life as well..

now that work is piling up with so much new things for me to take over and being pushed to me, i'm still handling the old things that has not be taken away from me.. overloaded with work, not with money!

and i'm still an unwanted child.. everyone doesnt seems to remember me.. everyone tends to forget about me.. everyone is closer with anyone else except me.. i dont have good friends.. a few close friends maybe.. good enough for me..

and i'm that kind who doesnt know how to reject others' request for help.. but who can i turn to for help? i have no one to turn to.. and i dont want to bother others about my things.. i should do my own things, no matter how hard it is..

i wanna move out and stay alone.. the only type of house i can buy now is condo.. renting a place is not worth it.. i wanna save more money and earn more money to be able to fulfil this wish of mine, which has been postponed already..

i'm all alone in office now.. we're suppose to have a lunch session together, but apparently it was cancelled and no one informed me.. and everyone left for lunch without me.. everyone forgot abt me.. didnt even call or message me.. only 1 person who cares did.. and bought me lunch.. thanks so much.. really really appreciate it..

needs to be accomplished

2009-07-06T13:43:00.003+08:00

am once again alone in this office.. packed macdonald's back to eat as i was super busy.. realised that during lunch hour, i cant accomplish much.. couldnt get anyone in their office and phones.. so i accomplished tasks that i'm able to complete without anyone, and the rest will have to wait till 2pm..

how can i earn as much money as possible? i wanna buy myself a condo to move out! cos i cant buy a HDB right now (not married, neither am i 35) and renting a place is not worth.. so my only choice is to earn and save as much as possible so that i can buy a condo! =P

needs to move on

2009-06-25T12:15:00.003+08:00

office been very quiet.. i'm alone in office again! this whole week i've been alone in office.. and today even worse.. everyone's in meeting and some not in.. just now i went out to take things, go toilet, etc.. come back the whole office's dark.. cos our office lights got motion sensor, no movement = no lights.. imagine that!

and i realised that i last took leave in february and after that been super busy till now.. time to take leave again! maybe in august ba.. after my july event..

quan's dad got into an accident on tuesday.. was quite a bad hit.. really hope that he will feel better le..

been feeling rather emotional recently.. i really need to move on from my stucked life here.. been feeling very lost and very isolated.. feels that no one actually cares about how i feel and i'm stuck with my own feelings..

cried on tuesday night also.. and i suddenly feel like no one bothers about me.. feels that everyone's ignoring me! =( sad! very sad!

went for an airline party, and went cut hair last night.. after that went down to k-gardens.. it's been long since i go there to have fun with my beloved friends.. though it's not a very long night, but i guess we enjoyed ourselves.. =)

can someone talk to me?! suddenly feel that my mobile phone's so quiet..

needs to move on and get out of my isolated quiet boring life!

thoughts of a lost girl

2009-06-22T13:07:00.002+08:00

the UTI's back again! feeling so terrible.. what a way to end my weekend and start my week..

will be super busy, but kinda lost on what i should do.. everyone's not in the office, leaving me alone here fighting on my own..

there're still a lot for me to learn and i'm slowly learning it.. after working for almost a year, i still feel that there're a lot more things for me to learn and catch up.. wondering if i'm up to it?

am thinking a little far on my prospects in this job, but the further i think, i more fear i inject into myself.. sometimes wondering if i should even be ambitious?

well, i guess i'll just have to take a step at a time and see what lies ahead of me ba..

went to watch drag me to hell with a colleague on saturday and went to walk around.. nothing much i saw that i wanna buy.. i got so much things to buy yet i see nothing i like..

time to do up a wish list i guess? haha..

time to save some money already.. havent been saving up and i feel so broke.. and i finally got my credit cards.. 1 more to go, for me to apply and that's it.. lucky i'm not someone who really spend that much, if not giving me credit cards would be a total wrong choice..

i like my life being well-planned and not disoriented.. but somehow i feel a little disoriented right now.. a lot of things needs me to settle.. and the most important thing i need to settle is my thoughts.. and think through what i want in my life, and what i need..

utterly disappointed

2009-06-03T12:37:00.002+08:00

am already very clear of things already.. i shouldnt pin anymore hope on things around me, or even people around me..

someone promised me something.. but the promise was not fulfilled..

feeling down for the past few days and havent got the chance to talk to anyone yet.. maybe i should just depend on myself..

i thought i'm important to someone.. but i think i'm no longer that important anymore..

am very clear of what the situation and how things are like.. i just need to get through the emotional side of myself to do what i should do..

somehow, some things still hurts.. things i hear, things i see.. it still does..

overwhelmed

2009-06-01T11:43:00.003+08:00

superwoman made me cry again..

am always so overwhelmed by this song..

i think i'm facing a crisis.. a crisis which i dont know how i'm going to get through it.. am still feeling down today.. even after a weekend.. am still feeling very extra..

i'm overloaded with work.. i'm running out of bandwidth but am still going to strive on.. am being bugged by everyone and everything.. but am just going to do whatever i'm being asked to, and do it good.. and i'm just going to continue helping and doing things that i should..

but who's going to help me with my things? i need help in my things as well.. but i just wouldnt dare to bug others.. seems like everyone is busy with their own things and this transition period is really hard to get through.. but that's just me.. will help but wouldnt ask for help.. is this the way i should be?

time again i'm thinking of isolating myself.. just be quiet and do my own things.. till i settle my own crisis and emotions.. my thoughts and feelings..

am going to isolate myself.. but before i do that, maybe i should talk to one more person.. wonder if that person is willing to listen? or rather is that person free to even listen to me?

lost and wondering..

2009-05-29T12:55:00.002+08:00

CAA's finally over! and it was a success.. =)

2 more events to go! and one of them i have a feeling that i'm going to handle it all on my own.. maybe it's time to grow up after learning the stuffs throughout the days and months.. maybe it's time for exams, to show how much i've learnt..

sometimes i wonder if it's a good or bad thing, that i'm sort of finally able to handle some important stuffs on my own.. but at the same time i'm thinking, is it cos of short-handed or cos i'm being trusted? it's totally 2 different things!

maybe i think too much sometimes.. but am really lost on the things i want recently.. have too much feelings in me that i dont know if i'm able to solve them myself..

sometimes i wished i can know what others are thinking.. maybe all along, since young, i have this fear in me, about others..

what am i working towards? both in job and life? i'm like giving all i have but still asking if i've given enough..? no returns.. what kinda investment is that? haha..

of cos i'm not thinking my job or life as an investment.. anything that i've given i'm not asking for returns.. i'm giving it on my own accord and willingly.. but just sometimes wondering what have i done wrong in my whole life?

i really wonder.. and i'm feeling so lost now that i feel that i need to find back myself! i dont know what happened to me but i know i'm lost and i need to find myself back!

overwhelmed

2009-05-18T11:32:00.004+08:00

felt that too many things have happened over the past 1 year and i'm a little overwhelmed by everything.. seems like it's far too much for me till time and time again, things just flow into my mind and i cant stop thinking, even though things are over..

realised that people will never treat me as good as they treat others.. sigh.. sad case for me right?

am also overwhelmed by work stress.. cried yesterday after i woke up.. then i laughed a lot throughout the day.. think i'm a little crazy.. but the laugh did made me relax a bit, and happier le.. :)

few more days to strive.. and this week's a meeting week.. with lots of meetings here and there..

加油！and i seriously need some pampering..

SUPPORT PLEASE

2009-05-13T22:18:00.004+08:00

click here --> Litt|e PrinCessY BiZ

something to ponder

2009-04-29T18:09:00.002+08:00

suddenly had this feeling that i was unable to describe.. what exactly am i feeling?

somehow, it still hurts.. why is that so? somehow, i still mind.. why is that so? somehow, i still hope for something.. why is that so? maybe i shouldnt.. shouldnt hope.. but isnt that what i've always been doing? no matter how hurt i was, i still forgive and i just cant bear to hate.. maybe the only person i will hate is myself..

maybe i should just isolate myself from the world.. from everyone else.. unless necessary..?

random thoughts

2009-04-23T15:59:00.003+08:00

feel so stupid recently.. maybe it's the wisdom tooth..

oh, i took out my wisdom tooth finally.. and i think it took my wisdom away as well..

suddenly have this feeling that i'm rather disappointed in everything.. people seems to be so fake.. they can be good and nice to you at this moment, but another moment mean to you.. am sometimes confused who in this world is not wearing a mask..

"frustration and bad temper gets the better part of me"
i think a lot of people whom i've met are like this.. sigh..

everyone seems to be moving on.. but why am i still standing at the original spot? maybe i've already moved, but i guess i'm always following others' footsteps..?

can life be simpler?

2009-04-03T15:50:00.003+08:00

hehe.. thanks ah ma for the pampering.. =P hehe.. feeling much better le..

been sick for the past week.. throat didnt get better, and flu caught me.. went to see doctor on tuesday and was on mc on both tuesday and wednesday.. but i still continued working on tuesday, and wednesday also went back office to clear some work..

left in the afternoon and went back to sleep.. no one disturbed me that afternoon.. but was feeling terrible.. then i suddenly had this thought, no one would know even if i just died like this at home.. haha..

today's finally friday.. wishing for a nice weekend ahead.. =)

it's been long since i had a really nice weekend without sorrows.. i didnt wanna be a person full or sorrows.. i just wanna be happy.. is it that difficult?

cant life be simpler?

my life's been very complicated for as long as i remember.. or rather i find it complicated.. it's like never ending problems just keep flowing in one after another, or even all flowing in together at a go..

didnt i work hard enough? didnt i give enough to just request for something small?

am tired.. really tired.. but i still have to keep telling myself to be strong and strive on..

~realised~

2009-03-30T15:12:00.002+08:00

i realised that my problems were actually not solved at all.. which i knew it was not, but i thought things has been better as time passes.. that's why i hope that things would get better and better as time goes by.. but it doesnt seems to be that way..

and i realised that things may not be the way it seems to be.. suddenly have this thinking and fear that i may be blinded by some things from seeing the truth..

what is what and which is which? should i choose to believe or choose to doubt?

i didnt wanna doubt, but i cant help it isnt it? things were not going the way i thought it would be.. everything suddenly collapse and i totally have no idea why and what is going on..?

i realised that afterall, i'm just going round in circles over and over again.. the same cycle just keeps repeating over and over again..

it's just a simply bad day!

2009-03-26T15:26:00.002+08:00

had a bad day today.. or maybe had a bad week..

was having fever on monday night.. tuesday still went to work but was having meetings whole day.. having terrible backache since monday and tuesday was bad.. yesterday was wednesday and in the middle of the night was having bad sore throat.. throat damn pain.. till this morning..

reached office today and i was trying to do something which i was being arrowed to do yesterday.. but the stupid system was damn slow.. and everything on my computer was slow as well..

throat still very bad.. still rushing for reports and statistics..

need some pampering!! terribly need some, and i've been lacking of it so much!!! when will i get them again?

2 weeks later

2009-03-18T17:24:00.002+08:00

2 weeks have passed.. it isnt short, but it isnt long either..

things seems to be getting better, but.. .. .. there's always a but..

seems like i'm being put to blame for some things.. felt so .. .. .. dont know what to say.. i'm totally lost for words these days.. dont know what i can say also..

am waiting.. dont know for what also.. should i or should i not act as nothing happened? confused!

super tired..

2009-03-07T14:06:00.002+08:00

it's a tiring day! very tired.. physically.. been mentally tired for the whole week le.. and today it's physically tired.. but my mental stress is not over yet.. sigh..

am sitting down in suntec at macdonald's using the internet.. just dont wanna move until someone calls.. but what time will i be waiting until?

刘德华 - 练习

2009-03-03T09:43:00.002+08:00

如果留下多一秒钟
可以减少明天想你的痛
我会愿意放下所有
交换任何一丝丝可能的占有

幸福只剩一杯沙漏
眼睁睁看着一幕幕甜蜜
不会再有原来平凡无奇的拥有
到现在竟像是无助的奢求

我已开始练习
开始慢慢着急
着急这世界没有你
已经和眼泪说好不哭泣
但倒数计时的爱该怎么继续

我天天练习
天天都会熟悉
在没有你的城市里
试着删除每个两人世界里
那些曾经共同拥有的一切美好和回忆

爱是一万公顷的森林
迷了路的却是我和你
不是说好一起闯出去
怎能剩我一人回去回去

how am i going to survive through?

2009-03-03T09:12:00.004+08:00

才短短一个周末，一切都改变了！

心好痛，真的很痛！又有谁能理解？

with someone stubborn and not willing to give in, someone so hard hearted.. it's really hard..

time passes very slowly yesterday.. is it the monday blues or is it me? i think is me.. i've been stoning for almost the whole day.. totally no mood to work..

sunday went to drink just 1 pine of beer.. maybe is the way i drank it.. i just gulp it down my throat and finished everything within a few mouths.. beer is always not my type of alcohol drink.. i felt giddy after i got home.. to make it worse, i had diarrhea!

yesterday tummy wasnt feeling well also.. and today also.. and i totally have no appetite to eat!

已开始练习（倒数计时61天）

counting down to 2 months' time..

hurt so bad - 张敬轩

2009-03-02T09:44:00.000+08:00

哭了才发现自己真的受伤了
你曾对我说你永远是我的
为了爱情我把自己的幸福都忘了
你快乐我就快乐

也许是我们彼此都太年轻了
总是特别容易沉溺在爱情里
每当我再次看到身边美丽的花火
你已离开我我还是想对你说

Baby I Love You So Much
你走了我的心在淌血
Baby You Hurt Me So Bad
想要你回到我的世界

Baby I Love You So Much
你给我的诺言已经瓦解
Baby You Hurt Me So Bad
只要我们都爱着无论多苦都值得
说好的你怎么忘记了

has too much to do!

2009-02-26T20:13:00.002+08:00

am overloaded with work!

was on MC on tuesday and wednesday.. felt giddy and headache.. had a meeting on tuesday morning and after rushing for things, cannot tahan le, decided to go see a doctor.. told the doctor that i'm having insomnia and felt giddy or headache.. he said it's due to stress.. gave me some pills to take at night which is suppose to reset my body system and allow me to sleep for at least 8 hours.. apparently, i took the pills on the first night i got them, i woke up at 4am plus in the morning.. around 5 hours of sleep only! 2nd night, i only slept like 7 hours.. not much help..

got another major event to organise in june.. became to organising committee of it.. a big event before the corporatisation..

having suddenly headache.. time to sleep..

第二顺位 - 罗志祥

2009-02-23T17:26:00.001+08:00

作词：严云农作曲：曹轩宾

一直是我陪你去躲回忆里的雨
你无心的叹息有心碎的声音
他的好他的坏他的不安定
他的故事是我和你爱情里的乌云

从我爱上爱他的你那个瞬间起
一直是雨天你只爱雨天我用伞保护你
亲吻着你苦涩味道的微笑
闭着眼睛我明白你想念他的秘密

我一直在第二顺位爱着你
一直从雨天一直到阴天
一直到晴天你逃离过去
我一直在第二顺位等着你
一直从昨天一直到今天
一直到永远我相信是我最爱你

聆听你说抱歉多过你说我爱你
你困在雨里我困在雨里我的伞湿淋淋
『没关系』是我最常说的一句
就让我等就算我冷至少我陪着你

誤會

2009-02-23T17:17:00.001+08:00

浓咖啡再多杯也不会醉
只是苦的感觉你不了解
我温热整夜那当初的以为
你究竟为谁头发扎上马尾

白开水的世界平淡无味
我的泪却挂在脸上狼狈
回想这一切我当初的直觉
桌上的玫瑰送你的人是谁

为何误会总迟了些了解
你身边已多了谁已经不需要我陪
为何误会总来不及解决
分开多少个季节伤害的话还收不回

那落叶是为了迎接冬雪
我憔悴是因为你的离别
要怎么入睡梦才会很完美
没人被误解过去重来一回

那花开是为了迎接蝴蝶
我心碎是因为痛太直接
解释的机会你一直都不缺
我等的好累你始终没有给

为何误会总迟了些了解
原来所谓的后悔跟痛哭没有差别
为何误会总来不及解决
我无法预做准备永远失去那种面对

而我开始在剪贴那些错过的情节
我们被误解从中穿越找不到故事的下一页

心痛的原理

2009-02-23T11:40:00.005+08:00

角色对换的游戏一直在进行着...

幸福在那里？曾经以为有人会给我幸福和未来，但他却对我说他怕他不能给我幸福和未来，而浪费我的时间。

原来心真的会痛。

有时候，简单就是幸福。很多事情简简单单就够了。

~the cycle~

2009-02-19T17:07:00.000+08:00

i'm going through the same cycle over and over again! when can i get out of it..?

hate those selfish people who have no respect for others at all!

but i keep going through the cycle of getting angry, hating and then forgiving and loving over and over again..

the same cycle goes on and on.. when can it stop?

had a very bad day yesterday.. productivity of work = low.. lots of things happened.. with problems flooding me..

was very angry, but just cant keep myself angry.. why?! sigh..

today's productivity = high.. hehe.. done quite a number of work before lunch.. after lunch didnt do anything at all cos was attending some unauthorised training session.. it's a chaos, but not a big thing lah..

anyway, think it's time to edit my blog.. revamp a bit ba.. =)

everything feels wrong today..

2009-02-16T16:55:00.002+08:00

was on leave the whole of last week.. finally back to work today..

but everything feels wrong..
- i lost my sleep last night.. keep tossing and turning till dont know what time..
- woke up early but still reach office late..
- printer problem
- laptop problem
- network problem
- tons of work to clear
- tons of email to clear
- time passes damn slowly

and of cos totally like no mood to work though last night i kept thinking what i should do today at work..

sigh.. that's no good..!!

today i'll treat it as a monday blue.. tomorrow i will have to strive and work hard to clear my things! =) kambate!

alright, a little update on my whole week's leave.. didnt do much things, slacked and slept most of the time.. spent some time doing masks as well.. went play mahjong.. went for a last minute celebration for my birthday at boat quay for awhile only.. went to seletar to eat nice food.. that basically it.. =P

changes

2009-02-05T11:07:00.002+08:00

i had a bad day yesterday.. the whole of yesterday.. everything seems to be wrong.. everything i wanna do somehow will be disrupted..

i was feeling very very bad yesterday.. woke up feeling bad.. and indeed, only 1 word to describe my day.. BAD! and last night i think i was thinking too much.. was wondering if everything didnt happen, back to 1 and half years ago, before i decided to leave NUS, what would everything be like?

but this morning, there's a change in my mood.. i woke up feeling sweet.. i thought i'll have a sweet day.. 1 sweet thing early morning after i woke up was having someone to send me specially to work today.. how nice right? will see if there's anymore sweet thing along the day.. =)
am going to meet ping and ame tonight.. ping having her driving practical test today.. to think she's the next among us to take license.. haha.. even pk and me, kept saying we wanna take, until now havent action on it..

going to buy some bird nest for someone whose birthday's round the corner.. must find a day go visit and pass her the 'present'..

has been working very hard

2009-02-03T17:58:00.003+08:00

been working very hard for the past 2 days..

people are having monday blues but i'm working hard.. done quite a number of work, but it seems never ending.. didnt stop to skive at any point of time in office..

tired.. very tired.. wanna strive for this week and next week shall be my 'holidays'.. no overseas trip, no happenings, just a simple peaceful week on leave..

hmmm.. what am i going to do for the week?

my life's getting very boring!!

am just someone so not important

2009-01-23T14:33:00.002+08:00

am feeling damn bad these days.. feel that i'm so unimportant to everyone.. people just care about their own feelings and non care about mine..

why? why is it it's never the case it seems to be whenever i thought things are better already? why is it that when things could get better but it always get worse?

yes.. everything is my fault! it's all me! i'm so so so god damn wrong about everything!!!

so should i continue fighting this battle or should i just give up and stop fighting? or should i just surrender and live under the control of this battle? what do i want? what should i do?

i'm just such an unimportant person with feelings that can be ignored!

just wanna do whatever i want to do!

2009-01-15T11:30:00.002+08:00

wants to eat chocolates - i went to buy already
wants to drink tonight - alone or with who?
wants to shop - next week, the week after or in Feb?
is tired and wants to go on a holiday - where, when and budget?
wants to watch red cliff marathon - booking system undergoing upgrading

sigh.. am damn blur.. wore 2 different shoes on different leg and walked out of office.. lucky i went toilet and realised..

am feeling damn sad.. some feelings came back.. have this feeling of having me or without me in this world, it doesnt make any difference to anyone or anything..

当有人问你“好不好”的时候，不可以说“哦”，只可以说“好”。
当有人问你“可不可以”的时候，不可以说“哦”，只可以说“可以”。

everyone has their own reasons in doing things, only my reasons are not valid.. everyone has feelings, and mine are not important..

no matter how strong i try to be, i'm still weak.. maybe i should just surrender..

wants to get married too!!

2009-01-13T09:40:00.002+08:00

yes! i wanna get married too!! everyone's getting married and asking me when's my turn??!!

i wanna get married and move out, have my own home, own cosy place.. will design my own house's interior, my wardrobe, everything!

when will this dream come true?

am disappointed

2009-01-05T16:33:00.002+08:00

it's 2009!! wonder would it be any better?

my current msn nick.. 婷 ~|3m0n+eA~ is the only one that's left with nothing!

past few days have been feeling disappointed in things, dont know why.. 2009 isnt a very good start for me as well..

sigh..

event coming up on 16 Jan 2009.. there's suppose to be another one on 17th, but was being postponed again! yes! i said again! cos that was being postponed since Sep or Oct i think!!!!

just a brief summary of things.. lazy to blog today.. and lazy to do anything today.. confused and sian.. monday blues a guess..

respect

2008-12-22T11:15:00.002+08:00

feel that some people just dont have respect for others.. i'm really stunned by how some people can be like this.. really admire these kinda people..

imagine talking to someone and the other person totally have no reaction at all, would you wanna continue talking?

lost my pouch on saturday morning (friday night).. had a nightmare and i was crying.. managed to find back my pouch from a dustbin near the place i lost it.. lost 2 cards, lucky not IC..

didnt manage to sleep a lot that day.. slept at around 7am on saturday morning and woke up at around 10:30am.. went to do my atm card and had lunch.. went back home and slack.. fell asleep till i dont even feel like waking up..

went for dinner and slack a bit and went back home to sleep le.. meeting poly friends the following day (sunday) and it's xmas shopping time!! met them to have lunch and a bit of shopping and everyone went back except me! so i met up with min & vin for dinner and went to find fer at her place there..

time to prepare for xmas!!! wonder what will i be doing this xmas eve..??

i wanna be a kid!!!

2008-12-17T10:30:00.003+08:00

finished watching 换换爱, made me cry like there's no tomorrow.. hahaha!

been listening to a song also.. maybe can describe my feelings ba..

巫啟賢 - 愛情傀儡
別讓我在每個夜裡為妳流泪
其實我並沒有睡，想妳容易讓心碎

如果妳想要的只是榮華富貴
何必在感情世界，留下妳虛假的美

我真的好累，妳要的我都學不會
為妳傷悲，為妳憔悴
妳讓我喝卻不讓我醉

我真的好累，卻為妳付出了一切
為妳狂野，為妳沈醉
做一個愛情的傀儡

別讓我在每個夜裡被妳侵略
是我對妳不了解，還是我不懂拒絕

如果妳想要的只是風花雪月
何必在乎我是誰，又何必如此虛偽

maybe i think too much these days.. feeling a bit sad.. and yes! i'm hurt.. and i'm really tired.. been very tired.. omg!! what the hell am i thinking? i think i'm going crazy lor.. and i think i'm going to suffer from depression if this continues..

must buck up le..!!!! even a stupid show can make me feel so hurt and cry like there's no tomorrow.. sigh.. and i really do feel the pain in my heart.. imagine that!! maybe i have heart problem.. hahaha..

that day i saw this cute little ger in the lift.. somehow wished i was her.. just a kid and dont need to think of anything! the adults will dote and pamper, hug and kiss..

I DONT WANNA GROW UP!!! I STILL WANNA BE A KID!!!

S.H.E - 不想長大
為什麼就是找不到　不謝的玫瑰花
為什麼遇見的王子　都不夠王子啊
我並不期盼他會有　玻璃鞋和白馬
我驚訝的是　情話竟然　會變成謊話

為什麼幸福的青鳥　要飛得那麼高
為什麼蘋果和擁抱　都可能是毒藥
我從沒想過有了他　還孤單的可怕
我突然想起從前陪我那個洋娃娃

＊我不想　我不想　不想長大　長大後　世界就　沒童話
　我不想　我不想　不想長大　我寧願　永遠都　笨又傻
　我不想　我不想　不想長大　長大後　我就會　失去他
　我深愛的他　深愛我的他　已經變得不像他(怎麼會　愛上別個她)＊

Repeat(＊)

為什麼水晶球裏面　看不出他在變
為什麼結局沒歡笑　而是痊y滿面
我願意在他回來前　繼續安靜沉睡
但他已去到　別座城堡　吻另一雙嘴

為什麼對流星傍@　卻從來沒實現
為什麼英勇的騎士　會比龍還危險
我當然知道這世界　不會完美無暇
我只求愛情能夠不要那麼樣複雜

Repeat(＊)

讓我們回去從前好不好　天真愚蠢快樂美好

Repeat(＊)

it's holiday season!! just wanna enjoy and be like a kid!

幸福从来就不属于我

2008-12-09T12:48:00.002+08:00

曾经想过爱一个人的100个理由，但爱一个人真的需要这么多理由吗？我当然也知道爱一个人不需要什么理由，但如果有个人肯花那个心思去想出100个理由给我，我应该会很感动吧？因为我是那种会这么做的人。

那天去参加朋友的婚礼，感觉好幸福。但又突然觉得，我应该不可能这么幸福吧？又刚好看到了100爱一个人的理由，感觉很幸福，很窝心，但也带着一点心痛。每读到一句爱的理由，就多一点痛。

原来两个人相爱是可以这么美丽，这么甜美。但为什么两个这么相爱的人要选择分开呢？在那100个爱的理由里面，我看到了两个人的爱情，他们的过去，现在，还有未来。曾经一起度过的日子，还有一起对未来的憧憬，都好美丽。曾经一心一意想跟彼此度过一生，但如今却分开了。

当两个人想爱的时候，真的不会渴望跟彼此度过一生吗？

感觉被骗了！这种滋味不好受！非常不好受！

我不知道自己在想什么，只知道心里很不好受。可能觉得自己没法得到的幸福，却在周围的朋友们身上看见了，羡慕还是妒嫉？我真的不知道。

没有期望，就不会有失望，不是吗？因为幸福从来就不属于我。还是面对现实吧！别再做梦了！

darkest 25

2008-12-03T13:32:00.003+08:00

feeling damn vex about things.. never been like the situation i'm facing right now.. why am i in this state?

i terribly hate this year.. terribly hate 2008.. hate myself being at the age of 25!!! 25 years of living and i terribly hate myself..

the darkest period of days would be me at the age of 25!!!

so many things happened.. dont know who's the unlucky one.. would things be better? i seriously dont know..

am feeling damn stressed up about the situation i'm in.. what can i do?

i'm hurt.. very hurt.. someone reminded me about things again.. usually when things happened you dont bother about it, everything will be over soon.. but someone reminded me that everything actually doesnt care.. everyone doesnt care about my presence.. no one will listen to me.. someone reminded me that i'm just so unimportant to everyone else..

yes.. maybe all along i am not important at all.. that's why i always have this thinking of whether or not i'm living in this world, it doesnt make any difference to anyone at all isnt it?

i'm just a useless person, who cant even protect myself.. i dont even have the courage to stand up for myself.. i dont even have the guts! i dont even have principles..

someone just slapped me on my face and tell me things that no one has ever told me.. not that i dont know about the things someone told me, just that i choose not to face it and be happy.. and live me life the way i've been living for the past 25 years.. and now? 1 slap on the face trying to wake me.. but it hurts!!! and though all along i know about the things being discussed, i never faced it.. will these hurtful words really wake up and make me change? or it'll only hurt me and nothing will change?

i seriously dont know..

周杰倫 - 給我一首歌的時間

2008-12-02T13:13:00.000+08:00

雨淋濕了天空　毀的很講究
你說你不懂　為何在這時牽手
我曬乾了沉默　悔的很衝動
就算這次做錯　也只是怕錯過

在一起叫夢　分開了叫痛
是不是說　沒有做完的夢最痛
迷路的後果　我能承受
這最後的出口在愛過了才有

能不能給我一首歌的時間
緊緊的把那擁抱變成永遠
在我的懷裏你不用害怕失眠
哦　如果你想忘記我也能失憶

能不能給我一首歌的時間
把故事聽到最後才說再見
你送我的眼瓷@讓它留在雨天
哦　越過你劃的線我定了勇氣的終點

哦　你說我不該不該　不該在這時候說了我愛你
要怎麼證明我沒有說謊的力氣
哦　請告訴我　暫時算不算放棄　我只有一天的回憶

2008-12-02T11:32:00.000+08:00

婷 ~3m0n+eA~ : 是不是說沒有做完的夢最痛 - 因为那些愛過的感覺都太深刻我都還記得

最后一次

2008-11-26T14:09:00.009+08:00

我只是刚巧看见。这代表什么？

is waiting for the right one.. - 23 Nov 08 @ 11:25am
found the right one.. but.. - 26 Nov 08 @ 1:35am

昨晚跟他谈了一会儿，离开的时间是差不多凌晨1点多。可能一路以来，我们彼此都觉得对方就是那个对的人，只不过在每一件开心或完美的事情背后，总有个“可是”。

可能我们真的只能够做朋友。虽然我一直以来都不想这样，但我们又能够做些什么来让一切好转，从新再来呢？

这已经是第三次了！第三次经历这些风风雨雨，分分合合。我们两都累了！

这真的应该是最后一次了！应该变成秘密，然后绝口不提，藏在心里，永远不再提起这会让我感到可惜又心痛的感情。

最后一次演唱/郑秀文
即使我的真感情瞒得住
即使眼光勉强的摆到别处
想起你的好处想起那些相处
令我连叹气也没法自如

讲不惯的心中情谈不尽
演不惯的这处境失去自控
不止你不相信即使我都不信
为你连两臂也没法相拥

如果这首歌将要对你唱最后一次
如果将这种感觉对你说最后一次
情感会更阵真挚连呼吸也不可以
犹如堤缺后无法停止

如果这眼睛将要对你看最后一次
如果将这生恋爱对你爱最后一次
时光合更加真挚回忆都更加精细
然而为你为难过不已
不只这一次

吴克群 - 越爱越难过

2008-11-26T10:37:00.000+08:00

说说你为什么为什么要走
说你为何要分手
别拖求你别软弱
求你说出口分手的理由

但你却拖拖拖拖到什么时候
但你还拖拖拖拖到什么时候
如果要走却又为何停留
请你别拖拖拖大声的说出口
请你要痛就痛给我个快活

如果说你要走我不会留
我不去管以后
然后我们说清楚一句话就够

如果说你要走我不会留
我不去管以后
多么痛多么的难过
别越爱越难过

Do Do Re Re Mi Mi Re Do
Do Do Re Mi Do

然后连话都不说继续沉默
连朋友都没得做为了什么
然后跟别人说你其实还是爱我
就算了吧坏人我来做

郑中基 - 绝口不提爱你

2008-11-26T09:58:00.001+08:00

闭上眼睛忍住呼吸
暂时要和世界脱离
就快要学会不再想你
却听见不断跳动的心

我允许了你
让爱的自由还给你
我允许了自己
承受这悲伤到天明

我不愿放弃却要故意默默允许
我答应自己爱你的心绝口不提
总是以为终究化作云淡风轻
爱你到底
痛了自己

我不愿放弃却要故意默默允许
我答应自己爱你的心绝口不提
所有结局在这夜里都已成形
爱到了底
痛的是我的真心

黎瑞恩 - 秘密

2008-11-26T09:55:00.001+08:00

好想告訴你這熟悉的雨季
最適合在深夜想你
想你溫柔眼睛想你專注神情想念你甜言蜜語

好想問問你今天的心情
才想起你早已遠離
卻又發現自己仍活在回憶裡以為身旁還有你

如果這一生我們愛不夠
來生你千萬認得我
如果這一生我給得不夠
來生給你所有的我

就把你深深藏在我心中
一輩子再也不對別人說
說我曾經愛過你我曾經為你笑過哭過

就把你深深藏在我心中
一輩子再也不對別人說
就算他日再相遇也笑著與你擦肩而過

fighting on bus..

2008-11-25T15:39:00.003+08:00

http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/singaporeseen/viewContent.jsp?id=43023 --> check this article out..

2 women fighting and so many comments on whether the woman in white is a PRC or not? and so many comments on PRC being trouble-makers in the society, which are all not related to the matter itself.. why does the people out there hate PRCs so much?

and also, it's people making such comments, be it on any matter or people that you dont like, causes the ugly scenes thereafter.. the fight is a good example.. if the auntie in black didnt make such bad comment on the lady in white, would there be a fight?

comments on the facts and not on the things you like or dont like.. comments on the matters or the attitude of the people and not on the nationality or race.. the fact is, people who were being born into this world, cant choose which country they're from isnt it?

and seriously i hate people being so selfish.. 1 person occupy so many seats with their barangs.. even ask others to give up seats for your barangs?

and personally i met someone selfish recently.. in fact on sunday.. i was on the ferry back to batam.. decided to sit on open air area to have a nicer view and for the wind.. but it started raining heavily.. so we went in to the cabin and there were some people standing around.. i was standing beside this lady who was sitting down, there were 4 seats and she occupy one on the outside.. the one beside her was for her luggages and the 2 inside were empty.. she was closing her eyes, i guess sleeping.. but i saw her opening her eyes and saw that there were people standing beside her.. she didnt even bother but just continue to sleep..

yes i was the one standing beside her.. but it's not only for me, if it wasnt be standing beside her but others, she should also let people go in for a seat or at least offer.. she totally ignored everyone and continue resting..

when the ferry was about to park at the ferry terminal, she started getting all her luggages onto her, and stood up.. everyone was pushing and squeezing when the ferry hasnt even parked yet.. she kept saying excuse me as if we have space to move forward.. and everyone is getting off the ferry, is there a need to rush? the ferry wont move off like bus or mrt without having you off the ferry!!!

爱一个人好难

2008-11-25T13:33:00.002+08:00

相处容易，同住难 - 这个道理每个人都知道吧？
爱人难，恨人更难 - 谈场恋爱是难上加难！

每次都想做好自己的本分，让对方开心，但往往人与人之间的相处，并不是那么简单。难道真的要让每个人开心，自己就会不开心？对于别人，我总是应该想想自己，对于他，我做什么总是应该想到他？

世界上没有什么东西是公平的，包括人于人之间的相处。他要你对他好，你要他对你好。你可以做的事，他不可以，他可以做的事，你不可。

那我到底应该是什么样的我，才会是他要的我？

开心与感伤之间

2008-11-24T14:20:00.003+08:00

最近真的忙到不行，周末跑到Batam，两天一夜去放松一下，也顺便见证我好朋友和她男朋友订婚的一刻。等这一天好久了！他们终于决定跟彼此一起度过下半辈子了！真替他们开心！

这两天虽然过得很快，但至少压力减少了，头脑也难得休息一下，不必拼命的转个不停。

但昨天回到新加坡，一切的压力与不开心的事都好像回到我的生活里。

有人跟我说了一些从来没有人这么对我说过的话。虽然这些话令我伤心难过，但也提醒了我很多东西。。。

今天到公司，收到一封电子邮件，看了之后感觉怪怪的。感觉友善中带点不友善，好像被责备的感觉。我是不是该想：如果所有人都不相信我的办事能力，那干吗把事情交给我做？本想解释是因为太忙，太多东西在赶所以忘了，又想说是因为想等做完了才报道，但解释是不是就代表掩饰？所以我决定不说，也不解释，只选择了说“对不起”和“下次会注意和记得”。。。

让我想起有人跟我说的话。。。他跟我说了很多，提醒我做人不可以只为别人，有时要为了自己！

发了简讯给他，想好好跟他谈谈，但却一直没机会。我是不是不该再烦他了呢？他真的想跟我好好的谈，还是因为礼貌回复来敷衍我？

我只是个没自尊，没勇气，胆小怕事没用的家伙！

~dReAmS aRe ReaLiTy~

everything falling into place nicely

protective shield on

little updates for june 2011

losing someone.. again..

sarcasm is not allowed in my world!!!!

a pack week and a whole new life ahead

promises

**random**

emo~~

losing someone..

packed

男人和女人

updates~~

还是一个人孤军奋战

counting down

needs to drink!

needs to be in a clear state of mind!

一生最深爱的人

things i need to do..

needs to think things through again...

1 hour 30 mins away

simple new look

thoughts

大哥

lost & found

无论你有多么不舍得，就让一切结束吧。

太在乎

别让伤害你的人，伤害你多一次

sometimes care and concern can make people feel irritating!

坚强到好累

emo + happening weekends..

inspired for peace..

WAR!

someone who loves you more or someone who you loves more?

EMO!

complicated feelings..

bothered..

thoughts, plans, feelings..

shouldnt be too greedy and shouldnt ask for too much

getting greedy..

christmas' over.. 2010 coming..

heck care!!!

silly?

不想被打扰

tiring long weekend..

思念是一种很玄的东西

messy thoughts

it shouldnt be affecting me, but it is..

thinking too much..

lost again

looking forward to my getaway!

a friend left

i survived!

ez-link

pondering and wondering

PISSED OFF!

it sucks to be an unwanted child!

needs to be accomplished

needs to move on

thoughts of a lost girl

utterly disappointed

overwhelmed

lost and wondering..

overwhelmed

SUPPORT PLEASE

something to ponder

random thoughts

can life be simpler?

~realised~

it's just a simply bad day!

2 weeks later

super tired..

刘德华 - 练习

how am i going to survive through?

hurt so bad - 张敬轩

has too much to do!

第二顺位 - 罗志祥

誤會

心痛的原理

random